Hearing Loss

This week Punky had an audiology appointment to try out her new hearing aid. When she got her first hearing aid at 13 months old, we were told that her (ballet pink) hearing aid would probably last about 3 years. As she grew, she would need a bigger, more powerful hearing aid. Also, technologies change so frequently that no doubt there would be new features available. Insurance covers (part of) the cost every three years too, so we had been anticipating purchasing the new hearing aid for her. Punky was most excited because she wanted to get a purple hearing aid!

Derek was able to join me at the appointment which I was so thankful for... because Buddy was his usual crazy self. After Buddy continuously asked the audiologist for his own hearing aid (red! giraffe spots!) and was denied, he wouldn't settle down. I ended up taking him in the hallway to check out the fish tank, while Derek stayed behind to watch Punky's hearing test.

Now that Punky is 4 and a half, the hearing tests are a little more reliable. Her hearing was last tested at a little over 3 years old. Even at 3, the hearing tests were often questionable as she got tired or bored with the audiologist's "games". (Is she not hearing that beep or is she simply being 3?) This appointment, however, she raised her hand confidently each time she heard the beep and was able to repeat back words the audiologist said to her.

I am a little bit thankful that Buddy needed to be taken out of the room, because it is no fun seeing your little baby fail at a simple hearing test. Watching her sitting all by herself in the sound proof room and not reacting to the beeps (when we can clearly hear them) is heartbreaking. Poor Derek felt the pain of that portion of the day.

At about 9 months old, we learned during a sedated ABR (Auditory Brain-Stem Response Test) that Punky's hearing in her left ear had mild to moderate hearing loss. Her right ear was normal. At 3 years old, her hearing loss was considered moderate to severe. At the time, we weren't sure if that was due to her being 3 and not cooperating with tests, or something else. Well, this week Punky's hearing loss had progressed even more and is now considered profound. Basically, if she was standing next to a lawn mower, she could not hear anything in her left ear.  This means that a hearing aid will no longer help Punky hear better.



Derek and I of course are feeling very sad about the whole thing.  Yes, she is lucky that her hearing in her right ear is normal.  Yes, she is a smart girl and can read already.  Yes, she has no speech or learning problems.  And even though we know that there are plenty of other people with hearing loss who are successful and have overcome their obstacles, it does not mean that we can not be sad for the challenges she will face.

Learning that her hearing loss has deteriorated has reopened the wound that we initially felt when we first found out about her hearing loss.  I feel like we are in a state of mourning again.  She's our little girl and we do not want her to have to feel any hurt or pain or troubles that may come with this.

Before this appointment, I felt we were in a good place.  We were comfortable with her hearing loss and had analyzed, discussed and cried over all the possible scenarios of problems she might face.  We were working to help her advocate for herself.  It took a long time, but I felt like I was at peace with Punky's hearing loss and the problems she would face.

Now that Punky will not be wearing a hearing aid, I feel like there are a whole new set of problems that I need to analyze and find solutions for.  The hearing aid was a sign or reminder to teachers, parents, other children that Punky does indeed hasve hearing loss and might need extra help.  Without it, will people know that she has a hearing problem and might need extra accommodations?  She looks, talks, and acts like any other kid but why can't she hear what I am saying?

I have heard terrible stories from others about teachers that didn't believe the child had hearing loss and thought the child was just not paying close enough attention in the classroom.  I imagine Punky as a tiny kindergartener walking through the crowded noisy cafeteria and a friend shouts out "Hey Punky, come sit by us!"  But she doesn't hear and walks in the other direction.  Will her friends think she is bratty and doesn't want to sit by them?  When in reality she just didn't hear.

Unfortunately, these are all problems that I worry Punky will have to face.  I hope we are able to give her the confidence and right tools to help her overcome any problems she has.  It will take time, but I know one day I will be at peace with her hearing loss once again.  But, today, I am sad for my little girl.